The second

The second baby always becomes a tough conversation between me and my husband. For him as a man who emphasizes logic when dealing with thinking activity, having a second baby is just a matter of justice. But for me, it’s a truly emotional live changing. I’ve explained to him many many times about my feeling toward Nisa, my first-born. I’ve waited for her for more than a year; I’ve missed her even when she hasn’t born yet. After she was born, she became my only dear baby, how indescribable, amazing it feels, even my storage and my phone was fulfilled with her picture, my social media too. I love her so much and I don’t want anyone stood in her place. Of course, once my second baby arrives, I will fall in love with him/her instantly. That’s what makes me be indecisive about having the second baby.

When I found out this picture for the first time, I was freeze, everything around me stopped and I stared. A minute later, I started to cry, my heart said: “this picture depicts my feeling the most”. This is an emotional image, taken by Portland-based birth photographer Laura Paulescu, of a mother giving her firstborn a big hug goodbye before the little girl has to leave the delivery room so mom can give birth to her new sibling. In a blog post for Baby Center, writer Melissa Willets shared her memories of the moment when she had to say goodbye to her daughter before heading off to be induced, “How I clutched onto my firstborn for dear life. This would be the last moment she’d be my only baby. Forever. And while I couldn’t wait to welcome my new baby, my heart was breaking. I felt completely shattered inside. I didn’t want to let go. Ever.” And you know what, I was sobbing while typing this post. Fortunately, nobody is at home😀.

A touchy image

A touchy image

An article from also made my heart breaks; it’s a story about a mother who experiences a hard pregnancy and labor for the second baby. Meeting with her first-born for the first time after the second baby was born, the mother said that the little girl, who walked through the door nervously holding her father’s hand, was not the same child she said goodbye few days before (*tears T-T ). The mother felt that the little girl suddenly seemed huge, no longer a little girl, no longer a baby but an enormous overgrown child. When they got home a week later, the mother felt that she was unprepared for the emotional roller-coaster that lay ahead, trying to care for a tetchy baby and a demanding toddler. SHE BECAME A KIND OF MOTHER SHE NEVER DREAMT BEFORE; the kind who coos at the baby and in the next breath, snaps at bewildered toddler. She said that initially she vaguely worried about whether she could be able to love the baby, but the terrible truth was not the baby but her daughter whom she had difficulty loving. (*tears)

The first child is usually seeking attention by doing things that are not pleasant for the parents; they will do everything they could to try to recover her closeness with her parent even doing the worse. For them, parent’s anger is another form of attention. So, that attitude makes the first child turn into a ‘little monster’, however, the second baby who sleeps most of the time become a little angel. So, you can say that picture above is goodbye hug for a nice first-born and nice mother? What a sad fact indeed. I’m not ready yet for this.

There are still a lot of things that needs to be prepared by our small family, especially for me, my feeling, my attitude that should be done to my first-born later, to welcome our second baby into my family. So, if that farewell hug in the picture above happens to me, we could face it together in a more and more happy situation. While hugging her tightly, I’m going to whisper to her “umi will make sure that there will be no change at all after her sibling arrives, I promise Nisa”.